Watta Nutty Family

I got some legal advice from a man in PA. I assume the advice is sound because he seemed to speak from experience (and he keeps good company). I will not publish his name (for liability reasons). Anyway this sage advice is as follows:

When you are in legal trouble, and you must appear in court, you gotta look good. Shave, cut your hair and wear a suit. Whoever looks the best will win the case.

Now this advice seems to make our legal system appear fairly shallow. (why not hire beauty consultants instead of lawyers?) From this man's appearance I could readily tell that it had been a long time since he had been to court. So, maybe he has advice that he could share for how to avoid court in the first place?

If he is cleanshaven next time I see him, I know he'll have a story to tell.